30/4/06

Today, I viewed some figs through an ancient telescope. My initial thought was mmmmm how melancholy, but later this feeling developed into what I can only describe as outright fear. Soiling every item of clothing I own, I reflected on the days of old and what fun could have been had with a parsnip and a simple football sock. Lets see what tomorrow brings.

1/5/06

Pinch, punch first of the month! I awoke in an unusually strange position having being dreaming of a terrible accident. I had been trapped under a giant bag of skittles and a snickers bar. Eventually coming round, I was left with the taste of artificial oranges on my tongue. I think I may have eaten a nearby air freshner. This can not be proved. During the day I cheered myself up by laughing at a fish with only one fin and by whipping loads of cream until it became as hard as granite. Tomorrow, I may try doing the same with eggs. Until then......