Its day 30 in the Big Brother house. Rich has celebrated this immense achievement by filling every orifice with shaving foam, including his bum, and then downing 4 litres of extra fizzy coke. The rest of the house mates were then treated to an amazing scene as Rich embarqued upon his journey named ‘A human volcanic marvel.’ House mates applauded as Rich exploded from every conceivable hole for one final and momentous time. As Rich lay exhausted but happy, the rest of the housemates scrubbed the ceiling and cleaned the bits off their faces.

For the last 3 hours of day 30 Rich played dead. After about 1 hour housemates became alarmed at Rich’s lack of movement and wide eyed appearance and began to think that maybe the afternoon’s ordeal had just been too much and had killed him deader than a squashed calf. After 2 hours house mates decided to put him in the Jacuzzi, apart from raising a post death smile (later realized to be an uncharacteristic break in the stone faced stars façade,) they could not rouse him from his mortal slumber. It became apparent that this effort was rather futile and so they next tried the fridge. As Rich’s lips began to turn blue they conceded that he was probably really quite dead and therefore asked big brother for an ambulance.

The ambulance arrived, and after a quick drink at the bar with Sally, resuscitation began on Rich. 20 minutes later the game was up and Rich burst into raucous laughter, only when a very cold resuscitation electro plate type thing was placed on his inner thigh. The following reaction was mixed from housemates and medical professionals. Many cried, Tony the (ex baker, now boxer) locked himself in the toilet and refused to come out until daddy was there. Rich was dying on the other side of his face though when the tables turned and one of the ambulance men suffered a massive cardiac arrest, forcing Rich to perform untrained CPR. Thankfully he was very successful and even managed to heal an ongoing joggers nipple that had been troubling the ambulance man for days.

In summary then, Rich became very popular after his morning stunt, then became very unpopular after feigning death and then became popular again after saving a mans life. The average outcome was consequently ‘popular.’