Its day 28 in the big brother house.

Rich has vowed to donate all his blood to charity once he leaves the house. The blood is to be fed to a cluster of orphan field mice who have lived in a old sock in an abandoned mattress all of their lives and have never seen a real cat. And are deaf.

Rich's new friend Belinda, whom he affectionately calls 'pseudo woman,' has threatened to hang herself over and over again unless Rich plays at least three games of swingball followed by mutual toenail painting afterwards. Rich responded to this plea by throwing a heavy book at her head and telling her to shut her fat hairy mouth. Belinda amazingly laughed this off, smudged her lipstick and scratched her arse.

Part of the big brother floor has collapsed. Big Brother is bemused as to why this has occured. The area involved is centred around the shower area, leading to the toilets, travelling out of the house and Big Brother site, terminating just in front of Harrods Multiplexial money collecting store. Only one house mate was injured and is still considered missing, however a full scale search has not yet begun as nobody really liked him and he would have got his head kicked in anyway by everyone once he left the house. As all toilets have been destroyed, Big Brother has instructed house mates to 'pick a bush and stick to it.' The event has inspired Big Brother to set this weeks task - 'Investigate causes of subsidence using advanced architectural mathematics.' Not a hope in God's porridge!