It's day 31 in the Big Brother house. ( And also St. Harold's day. Hurray, get out your milk for old St. Harold!)

Rich took the the younglings to the Big Brother park early this morning, "Big Brother doesn't have a park!" I hear you cry. And I say, "shut up, I'm trying to tell a story." He took them to play on the swings and unfortunately, due to a badly placed finger, a fight erupted between two of the younglings. Fearing for the health of the children he separated them using the sharp end of a bee and promptly removed the large knives he had given them.

In the afternoon Rich drowned the children and returned to the big brother house where he constructed a small dwelling out of mildly moist teabags. Claiming that the teabags removed all the suns harmful rays and allowed all the sun's good rays to pass through, he managed to entice 3 naked female house mates into the small house. After a good game of 'nurse and doctor' the 3 house mates emerged looking definately fitter around the neck. Rich remained in his house absorbing the final sunshine of the day, until dusk. On leaving his house his stats had changed thus: Power +1 Stamina+2 weakness +5 hairyness -1 bendyness -3 ability to taste the difference between coke and diet coke -6 and finally jumpyness in cinemas +2.

Rich is now no longer the man you thought he wasn't and has become the man you never thought he could be, or was, or is, or no longer is. He is a man mole hill, a blip on the universe's radar and a potential Grandfather to boot. He can climb ladders, penetrate thin air and cough on request. He can bend a mouse in two and tickle an owl to submission. Do not enter the kitchen unless you want to feel the cold! Be warned.