It should be day 23 in the Big Brother house but its not. Don't ask why, you really shouldnt know, and if you did the world could end. It's bigger than you think so don't even ask any questions, you could get us shot, killed by murder or homocidially eradicated.



Instead of the scheduled programme we have an interesting array of short films or 'movie bites' as I like to call them. The first is a 5 minute documentary on Billie Crystals phlegm-past and present. An interesting portrayal into the green gargle goo of one of Sweden's favourite film actors and french polisher extraordinaires. The short programme features not only striking pictures but also classic video footage of top class hockling, frequently ending in a tremendous crescendo of gob oyster formation. "Its just the way he delicately dribbles it from the corner of the mouth, allowing full travel to the chin, until the main body of the grunt reaches the lips where a superbly executed suction is performed. Of course we always finally get to see a masterfully executed dislay of the green little chump in the pit of the tongue." - Ralph Schaumacher, President of the 'Orally Manufactured Substance And Smell Comitee (OMSASC.)' "He is like a man peacock!" - Dolph Lundgren (he was in Rocky 'he is like a piece of steel' etc etc.)



The second show in the billing is the endearing and wonderfully entitled short film 'If you dont stop, I will break your nose, you pissy little sack of mangasm.' A comedy based upon the life of Sir Walter Raleigh. This non stop chucklathon will have you laughing for hours after you have gone to sleep with witty one liners such as "thats not a potatoe, thats my uncle Gregory" and "For god's sake Walter, you will have to go digital!" My favourite qoute of all comes from Walter himself (played by Bilbo Baggins) "Mildred, you silly cow, you have sewn my long johns to the sofa!"



If there is any time left we, may show the final instalment of 'why do crabs need to see so high anyway?'