Anger management...

Having recently found myself getting angrier and angrier about stuff that goes on in the world, I decided to attend an unusual anger management course in Carlisle billed as 'unrepeatable'.

Upon arrival I was stripped to the waist and thrown a coat made of cored apples. With my 'cape' barely covering my cowering anatomy I was ushered into a room full of 19 year old female media students who just stood and laughed before setting fire to all of the clothes I arrived in.

I was then sat down and told to watch a projector which flashed pornography interlinked with images of my house being burglarised. After 32 minutes of holding my breath I finally blew my top and ripped off my coat and ran full pelt at a man in the corner holding a clip board. Smashing into him I realised that it wasn't a 'him' but rather an 'it' made of pillows and moth balls. I had cracked.

I was placed into a wheelchair and pushed into a room with a doctor and two nurses waiting patiently. They administered to me immediately, covering me in buttercup syrup and leaving me to caramalise under the spot lights for one hour. I passed out.

I awoke at 4.30pm sat on a train to crewe with a note in front of me saying that all will now be well... (to be continued)

Chez Rich et Matt

New for 2007, the COMOOX RESTAURANT- 'Where dreams of fine food have happened.'

Why not try our new bistro/restaurant/diner. It has food and drink, you can even come and eat and drink it!

Here is our current menu, go on, take a peepsy!

We Have a variety of guest ales, featuring 'Rancid Butler' and 'Poorly Surgeon.' We be also stocking a wide range of fine scottish whiskeys. Try a tot of 'Old Broken Foot' or a glass of fiery 'My Last Christmas.'

We are sure our quality ports will do nothing but delight you, try sipping a glass of 'Anal Tension' or for the most daring of you out there, a shot of 'Rick waller's Last Stand.' (All drinks are watered down to the owners taste.)

Look forward to catering up to you.

Chief Rich and Chef Matt