Purely factitious!

Custard is a 'thixotropic' substance and is the only known substance to be able to penetrate Fort Knox's 2 inch thick steel walls, which protect the worlds supply of 'skimming stones and 'jewels.' The custard is required to impact upon the wall at a minimum speed of 120mph, thus initiating its magical properties. It is said that these supernatural changes to the properties of custard happened circa 1432 when pixies ruled England.






Reports reveal that Moira Stewart has the most news in her head as compared to anyone in the world. She also holds the title for 'most news ever seen,' which is a higher number than 'most news in head' due to brain leakage and memory seapage. John Craven was the previous owner to this title until last week when Moira was told of how a friends hamster had become squashed under a pasta machine, just tipping her 'news reservoir' to one 'news' above that of John. He was said to be "pissed" and was last seen in Tescos asking shoppers if they had any 'news to fill his tank?'

Aliens do exist!!! according to a Farmer in America who said that he saw an alien once and that he was bright green and seven foot tall. He came out of a giant rotating sapcecraft ("like that one in Close Encounters") and entered his bedroom window. After playing the didgeridoo for 20 minutes he left and "lasered one of his cows to bits." Amazing!!

If you place an egg near a magnet, the egg will be pulled towards the magnet or vice versa depending on the mass of said objects, the coefficient of friction for the underlying surface, the 'strength' of the magnet, the distance between said objects and the orientation of the egg. The egg must also be made of iron.

Recent scientific studies have given intriguing insight into the birth of the universe. Dedicated scientists have discovered that the birth of the universe was actually a mistake and that those involved in creating it, just got carried away in the heat of the moment. Ashamed by their antics, now being termed 'The Big Bang,' the miscreants regret not calling it a day before the large explosion occured.