The COMOOX.COM book of made up world records ...
Jeez, there are some mad people in the world. Did you know that records, and I mean world records, are being broken everyday. Even made up one's.
In 1954 Albert Spindlefinger, of New York, completed a hat-trick of eating and groping records by managing to eat six fully grown cows before finally vomiting his face off. The mean feat, which took Albert four days to complete, followed previous world reco
rds of "arse-pinching" and "ball-cupping" during which he managed to gently cup the balls of no fewer that 2712 men in just 7 short days of May 1953. As a result of this Albert became the main influence for the film Condorman, which had an initial working title of "Mr Spindlefinger and his amazing ball cupping adventures". Albert finally died in 1974 after being gunned down outside of a YMCA in Berlin.
Dorothy Spears of Peckham, Kent, holds the world record for owning the most pairs of slippers. Dorothy has purchased 3600 pairs of slippers and has had another 648 pairs bought for her on celebratory occasions, totaling a huge amount of slippers. She admits that she may have a problem and agrees that it is getting out of hand, however she claims that she does get very cold feet and suffers with vibration white toe. Mrs. Spears even received a bejeweled pair of slippers from her husband on his proposal of marriage instead of a ring!
Nobody likes a detention and Neil McVittie of Cork, Ireland has had his fair share. He holds the record for the longest period of time spent in detention. On 15th June 2003, Neil was ordered to return to the classroom at the end of the day to spend 1 hour in detention after drawing a caricature of Mrs. Bruggin (the teacher) tasting the headmaster’s behind. Arriving punctually at 3.45pm he was told by Mrs. Bruggin to sit and consider his actions while she disappeared for a few minutes to re-cover her favourite chair in the staff room in chintz.Unfortunately, Mrs. Bruggin became so carried away with the task, and realizing that she needed more sellotape she headed home for the start of the summer holidays. Consequently Neil spent 6 whole weeks in detention and was only discovered when teachers returned to school to begin the new term.Neil however had not been idle. During these weeks spent alone he painted a large Muriel spanning all four class room walls picturing the whole school staff involved in a large depraved orgy. He even managed to include pivoted moving parts. The headmaster of the school, Tim Partyman expressed his disappointment in Neil but was amazed at the graphic likeness and anatomical accuracy of each naked teacher painted.
During June 2005, part time brick layer, part time record breaker, Scott Chuffnell of Crewe, Cheshire, gained his amazing seventh! world record by successfully urinating into the toilet, for a full 30 seconds, whilst standing a full two metres away from the bowl. Despite causing a minor spillage on the return journey this was deemed to have not fowled the record attempt. A beaming Scott announced " I won't be doing that again for a while ". Aided by what is termed a "morning glory" and a slight head wind Scott was able to use his 6" 4' inch height advantage to quickly get himself into a record breaking stance. An earlier attempt by his long term partner Carol had ended in disappointment.
On a cold & still January morning in a 1983 Hastings, a then 23 year old trainee fire officer, Adam Faithless, made what was to be a memorable attempt at the world "shoe lobbing at a nondescript (chav) shop lifter" under 25 category. Despite having not trained for the event Mr Faithless, in front of a four strong crowd, managed to strike the lower back of the assailant from a distance of 5.4 metres. Fortunately for Adam the event was caught on CCTV camera and successfully confirmed as a record 12 days later. Upon receiving his certificate Mr Faithless thanked his shop-lifter partner saying that it was all down to his "...fat back."